I am fully aware that I don't really know what I'm talking about. I am not a mother and I will never be one. At least not for children with 50% of my DNA. All of what I'm writing here is based on several years of being a woman, things I heard, read, saw, concluded myself applying logic and some economics I learned, common sense, and a large amount of empathy. And at this point I'm grateful that my mother and other mothers made a different decision and so many women still do every day.
I am very glad that I haven't gotten the "Why aren't you married? And don't you want children?" question very often. By now, given my age, people probably think I'm gay or infertile or just too old for that. But I have heard it. And I really don't understand why people ask me that. They should ask every woman who, without being forced to do so, gets married and has children. Given all we know about how poorly mothers are being rewarded in most societies for being a mother which woman in her right mind, with access to all the information she needs to make such decisions would do it?
Women are paid less in general. With the justification that they could get pregnant if they wanted. So the mere fact that our bodies were built to produce offspring results in a disadvantage for all working women. Now, first of all, by now women have successfully proven to be able to work the same hours, produce the same quality of work, and be equally reliable than non mothers (that includes men), which fact alone should result in higher salaries for mothers. Someone who has managed to carry and grow a living person for 9 months in their own body! Who has had a living being feast on his bones and who has pushed a small bowling ball out of their vagina and is still alive and well enough and willing to work? Hire them!
The smaller income becomes even smaller when a woman is married and the tax system allows the couple to file their taxes together. Usually, the bigger earner, the man, choses the better tax level and leaves the women with even less money for harder work. Societies that keep stressing how important gender equality is should have killed such tax rules long time ago (Germany). It practically forces women to stay home unless they like to work for almost nothing. And that would be stupid and who will hire a stupid person? Economically, tax rules should incentivize people to work more and, consequently, pay more taxes. But, what do I know...
And then, once the children are there and the after baby body doesn't look too appealing anymore. Or after the woman has supported the man and held his back so he could advance in his career and make even more money, he leaves her for a younger model. Ideally, he will use some of his bigger income to support the family he left behind. But that doesn't always happen. To be clear, not all men do this, many men end up struggling either having full custody and no support from their ex-spouse or no access to their children at all. But in the majority of cases it's the woman who is left behind and oftentimes (50% of times in Germany) the ex-husband does not pay one cent to support his former family. Of course, a younger and faster model requires usually more maintenance. That leaves no money to feed the children or allow the ex-wife to have only one job at a time to be able to feed them.
Being a single mother makes it even more difficult to find a job. Given that dealing with two children at a time without killing them or oneself is quite the unique skill and can be compared to running your own business she should have no problem finding a job but most employers see that differently. And then she does find a job and even manages to have a career. And, wham, she's considered a bad mother. Selfishly pursuing her career while abandoning her children.
Now, even the best of parenting doesn't necessarily mean that your children will love you and care for you until the end of your life. They will move away, hardly ever call or visit, maybe have a fall out for whatever reasons and never come to see their parents again. So after all the trouble she went through, the mother ends up alone in her nursing home with no visitors and no one who cares. Not unlike the spinster who never managed to get a man to marry her or have children. However, chances are that the spinster ends up in the luxury nursing home or in a commune with her other spinster friends. She will most likely have more retirement money as she didn't have to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on her children's education. What a high risk investment with such an unpredictable return. The poor mother will most likely have a very low retirement income as she earned less, was in and out of jobs or worked part time all to make sure her children had food on the table, a good education, and enough time with her mother. So, the most important job in our society does not seem to be important enough to be considered when social security is applied.
At this point, I haven't even mentioned the physical and psychological implications of being pregnant and giving birth. Or, worse losing a child. And I won't. They sound horrific but I bet they're the weakest argument for not having children.
I don't want to go on. It's unfair beyond imagination. Given the above facts one would think that no woman in her right mind would voluntarily agree to get married or become pregnant. Many societies address this by forcing women, most often when they're still children into marriage, don't allow them to go to school, And make it illegal or impossible to use birth control or safely abort a child if necessary.
Which woman in her right mind who knows all of this would want to get married and have children? The answer is simple: almost all of them. And here is why. Again, I can't speak from own experience other than having lived in a women's body for such a long time, empathy, and hearsay.
Because we can :-). The mere fact that we can do it is probably enough for many women. We can fucking grow a person inside our bodies! I let that sit because that is a pretty amazing feature our bodies came with.
The possibility of having a bond with another being that is like no other connection in the world and a love that is absolutely unconditional. Until the little sucker figures out how to manipulate his mother to get her to buy him what he wants, that is. Some mothers are certainly more motherly than others but when evolution gave us our bodies it made sure that we would do everything possible to keep our and sometimes even other mothers' children alive. Maternal instinct and hormones are a big help with that.
For many women, this force of nature hits them even before they get pregnant and plants a desire to have a baby in them that gets louder the older they get and is said to have an annoying ticking sound that can even be heard outside of our bodies.
But even if you never heard that clock before you got pregnant, once you are, every single cell of our body will focus on growing that tiny little accumulation of cells into a being that will eventually become strong enough to survive outside of our body. The decision to abort a baby must be the hardest thing a woman will ever have to make. She practically has to overrule ever single cell, organ, emotion and physical desire in her body. Her body is determined on protecting and growing this little embryo and giving birth to it. She doesn't need anyone outside of her own body to make this even harder. What she needs is someone who sees and addresses all the issues above to help her either not to have to make this decision at all or, if she choses to abort, make it as painless as possible in all aspects. People should really stop trying to control other people's genitalia or what they chose to do with them.
Every single women and mother is such an integral, such an incredibly important part of every society. Of the world as it is today. Many societies, in particular some of the non human ones have realized and accepted this. Male and female members equally share the hard work that comes with creating a family and keeping it alive and happy. I can only hope that the human societies will catch up. Women everywhere should feel safe, supported, and accepted whatever decision they make and no one else should make them for them. They should not be judged for their life decisions.
Instead, we should do our best to eliminate all the obstacles and unfairness that women and mothers do have to face. To make lives easier for all women who, despite all circumstances, still find becoming a mother more rewarding than not. Every single one of them has my deepest respect and admiration.
Because we can :-). The mere fact that we can do it is probably enough for many women. We can fucking grow a person inside our bodies! I let that sit because that is a pretty amazing feature our bodies came with.
The possibility of having a bond with another being that is like no other connection in the world and a love that is absolutely unconditional. Until the little sucker figures out how to manipulate his mother to get her to buy him what he wants, that is. Some mothers are certainly more motherly than others but when evolution gave us our bodies it made sure that we would do everything possible to keep our and sometimes even other mothers' children alive. Maternal instinct and hormones are a big help with that.
For many women, this force of nature hits them even before they get pregnant and plants a desire to have a baby in them that gets louder the older they get and is said to have an annoying ticking sound that can even be heard outside of our bodies.
But even if you never heard that clock before you got pregnant, once you are, every single cell of our body will focus on growing that tiny little accumulation of cells into a being that will eventually become strong enough to survive outside of our body. The decision to abort a baby must be the hardest thing a woman will ever have to make. She practically has to overrule ever single cell, organ, emotion and physical desire in her body. Her body is determined on protecting and growing this little embryo and giving birth to it. She doesn't need anyone outside of her own body to make this even harder. What she needs is someone who sees and addresses all the issues above to help her either not to have to make this decision at all or, if she choses to abort, make it as painless as possible in all aspects. People should really stop trying to control other people's genitalia or what they chose to do with them.
Every single women and mother is such an integral, such an incredibly important part of every society. Of the world as it is today. Many societies, in particular some of the non human ones have realized and accepted this. Male and female members equally share the hard work that comes with creating a family and keeping it alive and happy. I can only hope that the human societies will catch up. Women everywhere should feel safe, supported, and accepted whatever decision they make and no one else should make them for them. They should not be judged for their life decisions.
Instead, we should do our best to eliminate all the obstacles and unfairness that women and mothers do have to face. To make lives easier for all women who, despite all circumstances, still find becoming a mother more rewarding than not. Every single one of them has my deepest respect and admiration.
